It’s weird. Being so grown…

Kyle Olsen left for his mission today. 2 years in Mexico, away from home and everyone that home entails. I”m really happy that he’s doing what his heart it telling him to, but.. It’s weird. Being so grown…

Matt and Amy are getting married. Love exists enough there that at the end of August, my childhood friend will become a wife. A WIFE! And we’re all invited to the wedding to watch. It’s weird. Being so grown…

After having decided where to go to school, I’m more excited than ever. I can’t wait for the day when I get my briefcase, hundreds of post-its, colored pens, and big leather daily planner. Nerdy as it may sound, I can’t wait to plan events. It’s weird. Being so grown…

I’m at the point in my life where I have come to accept the things in my life that I can not change.

I can not change my recent wounds and broken heart, but I can learn from them. And never settle for the situation that I was putting myself in, ever again.

I can not change death, or sad days, or disappointment, or bad songs played over and over again on the radio. But I can embrace each of these things and use if like a track runner uses starting blocks. As a jump start into the good things. Because letting bad days and sad faces hold me back just isn’t working for me anymore. It’s weird. Being so grown…

My friend Joe from Mizzou called me today. He left MU at semester and joined the Army. I missed the call. And I can honestly say, missing that call today made me genuinely upset. And more so than “Oh, he hurt my feelings!” or “I’m having a bad day.” upset. It really made me sad that he’d been gone and I missed my first chance to talk to him in months. Which made me realize that my priorities need to be different. But in a good way.

Life is more so about enjoying it while it’s happening in the present, rather than worrying about things you can’t control even if you wanted to. I’ve got amazing friends. They’re all individually beautiful as people. And I wouldn’t trade a single one. And I think what’s important right now is living life one day at a time. Spending my time with who I love. And letting the past be just that.. the past.

It’s weird. Being so grown…

my hair.

every day is one step closer.

and i’m not exactly sure what that means.

every day i get up and look in the mirror. and while most people would expect me to say that i stand and evaluate who i am as a person and such.. you should know, that’s not what i look at. truth be told, the first thing i look at.. is my hair.

it’s ALWAYS my hair.

i can always tell by how i feel about my hair, how my day will pan out.

i’ve been insanely tired lately.

mentally, physically, emotionally. i’m not so sure if it’s because i’ve been working a lot, or because of school decisions, or guys, or friends. probably a combination of it all. regardless though, i’m tired.

i planned on running tonight. but it’s raining. and i don’t feel good. so i forewent that idea for sitting in my bed in sweat pants with my notebook.

well, actually. it’s a journal. danielle ross gave it to me for my 19th birthday. with an inscription in it.

“Kimberly, Fill this journal with your thoughts, prayers, hopes, dreams, and lyrics. Always know you can go as far as you want and past the expectations anyone has for you or you have for yourself. I <3 you. Happy 19th birthday. Love, your best friend, Dani Ross”

i can’t believe how much life has changed. not only in terms of myself as a person. but in terms of the people i love and have loved.

don’t get me wrong. i would never take anything that has happened back. i would never take back isaac’s friend card because i would never have gotten to know who he was as a person if it hadn’t happened. i wouldn’t take back robbie coming back around. i wouldn’t take back the growing friendships i have with jess and rachel and hannah and so many others.

but sometimes i wonder what things would be like had it all gone down differently, you know?

but maybe it’s best that i don’t know.

…. yeah, it’s probably best.